A Freshman Tale

“…bring shoes you plan on never wearing again.” Good advice goes best with good listeners. Too bad I’m not much of a listener.

As a freshman, I constantly looked for unforgettable experiences. Walking down Bourbon Street seemed like a good idea at the time. Pappy offered to take us. How could I refuse?

Our story begins at a gas station. Lamp had acquired a fake ID (Jim Haan’s I believe) and bought booze for those that wanted it. Each of us had a six pack and a 40 minute car ride to New Orleans. Naturally, a drinking race ensued. After 10 minutes, I got bored after finishing my six, so I taunted Lamp all the way to New Orleans.

We parked and began our pilgrimage towards the heathen capital. Katrina had recently ravaged the area and the destruction was still prevalent. Before coming upon any revelers, we found a pile of beads on the street. Free beads means free boobs. Our pack ravaged the beads, each taking as many as his neck could hold.

People filled Bourbon Street. Pushing seemed the best technique for getting through the throng. You just had to be careful. Pushing the wrong guy could result in an excursion to the hard pavement. As if walking in shit wasn’t bad enough. Luckily, a bunch of skinny ultimate kids fits through a crowd quite easily. Plus, nobody is gonna mess with a drunk Lamp.

Highlights of the night included: seeing Lamp do pushups in the filth, listening to born again Christians trying to convert people on the spot, listening to drunk people pour their hearts out to the born again Christians, seeing the police breakup a couple of fights, me getting more beads than anybody else.

Each year something happens on the ride back. Two years ago we got lost. Last year, a car burst into flames on the highway leaving a charred mess and a traffic jam. So if you go this year, beware, and bring shoes you plan on never wearing again.

Mardi Gras Preview

Mardi Gras has come early this year, hopefully bringing the illini an early gift of $2500 (might I now take the opportunity to remind you that winning this tourney guarantees us a flight to centex instead of driving). After much delay, it seems our tournament director has settled on the pools. Had he done so much earlier, this blog would have been done much sooner. I blame baton rouge ultimate for my lateness.

Well, we’re down a car and the ride is gonna be 12 hours of sitting in a shoebox with no airholes. Stretch before you get in and at every stop (that’s what she said). But seriously, waking up stiff after three hours of sleep and then having to play a full day of ultimate is no party.

Apparently our TD is too lazy to copy and paste the Sunday brackets onto the score reporter, so I have no idea what day two will look like, so you will have to be satisfied with just a day one preview. We play texas first. They’re a good team even if their coach always wears pajamas. Keeping Stevie (#22) in check will determine victory or loss. Shutting down their big swings will put the nail in the coffin. They run a 2 handler offense, which often starts out as one handler and a six man stack. Active and smart switches will punish this team.

Next we have Kevin Kelly and Kansas. Pavan will own this game. Kevin Kelly will cry and 15-5 is giving the Horizontals way too much credit.

We get a nice break in the third round. Providing us with a perfect opportunity to cheer on our B-team taking on Tenn. Hopefully the field will be close. The split between the two parks may put a wrench in our plans; however, a two mile jog is so worth it to sing Aerosmith. Boomland, you better not use all your timeouts before we get there. It’d be kind of weird to ask Tenn to call one for us to sing.

The second half of our day is filled with two Wisconsin schools. White-Water and then Milwaukee. You all know my feelings towards White-Water. They are a solid team; though, I vote we test that solidness by cracking a few skulls, but that’s just me. Be ready for the cup. This time, we don’t have Cole to bail us out.

I’ve never played Milwaukee. They’re ranked pretty much the same as us though. Let’s prove that they don’t even belong in the same sentence with us; even if that sentence goes, “Illinois slaughtered Milwaukee.”

Top Ten Reasons Why Denis is Better than Pappy

As many of you know, we used to have a handler on the team named Papsmear. We affectionately called him Pappy because using his real nickname aggravated his self-esteem issues. He was left handed and pretty good at throwing (sometimes). He graduated last year, and Denis arrived from Loyola to take up grad school at U of I and provide a much needed boost to our handler core. On a number of occasions, I’ve been asked If I miss having Pappy on the team. My answer is, "no." They ask why, and I say, “Denis.”

10. Denis is athletic

9. Denis’ posts to the blog are more constructive or funnier

8. Pappy had L-box, Denis has invert, scoober, hammer, chicken wing, …all are game ready

7. Denis doesn’t stalk me

6. Did I mention that Denis is Athletic?

5. Denis isn’t hated by the other team when he opens his mouth

4. Denis can grow facial hair (haha, pappy is a girl)

3. Seriously Pappy doesn’t have any muscles

2. Youtube clip of the week

1. Denis doesn’t have the nickname Papsmear

Slow Week

Well, it has been about a week since I’ve made my last post. It’s not really my fault. Since no tournies have happened yet, I don’t have a ton of material to work with. I did plan for this though. At the beginning of December I sent out three requests for articles from various people. None of them have gotten back to me. I found it ironic that one of the complainers happens to be a person whom I asked to write an entry. It’s not like he’s been busy either. His foot is broken, and he’s had plenty of time to check my blog often enough to notice that I haven’t posted anything in a while. Anyway, I could really use that article on RSD, the one on positivity, and playing with a club team would be nice anytime you guys get around to it.

So, what is new? Our first draft of the A team has been decided. Looks like a solid group from my opinion; although one or two will have to prove they belong. This isn’t easy to do. Usually when you’re on the bubble, you aren’t going to get that much playing time. This means you aren’t gonna have a lot of time to prove yourself. Are you clutch? Or do you prefer more playing time? A few of you might want to ask yourself that question at this point in your career. Would I gain more from playing points as a stud on the B-team? Or would I gain more by watching and practicing with the A Team? Those of you on Boomland that think you got a shot at making the top squad (and some of you do) should ask yourself the same question.

Practice recaps: if you came to practice, I wouldn’t have to write this section. Then again, Pappy is stalking this blog, and he’d probably appreciate some news. Oh wait, he was at practice this past weekend. Not a whole lot is new Pappy. I still don’t like you, and friending my girlfriend on facebook is just plain creepy.

I can’t speak much for the B-team from here on out, so I’m hoping someone on Boomland will step up and start writing some articles. A big focus this year for both teams will be better footwork that leads to better timing. When we first setup these drills, it’s a good idea to go through it slowly to make sure your footwork is correct. It’s a lot harder to fix something when you’re going full speed.

Mardi Gras is two weekends away. Get excited.

A few Random Things

First of all, if you’re sore from that welcome back crossfit, don’t worry. Everyone else feels your pain (some more than others). Also, this is not an excuse to take off from practice. Granted, it is understandable if you don’t push 110%. You’re just asking for an injury. But do Push through the pain. The more you move around, the faster you’ll get over the soreness. Working the muscles within reason will loosen the lactic acid. And to all of you that aren’t sore, I hate you. Work harder in practice.

I have recently received news that is on par with Wendy’s opening. Chick-fil-a will be coming to our Student Union. McDonald’s is out; delicious is in.

Denis, we need more youtube videos on the group. It boosts morale. Let’s everyone on the team realize that they aren’t insane and weird. Like you.

Cole, breaking your foot was not cool man. Why you gotta be like that? Getting out of the welcome back crossfit. Psh.

So, we might not be going to terminus. This is rather unfortunate. My entire spring break plans kinda hinged on a road trip from Atlanta to Austin. Maybe I’ll still go, see if I can pick up with a team. Anyone else in? Other stops would include Daytona Beach, New Orleans, etc.

Public Service Announcement

I have just received the most wonderful news. Apparently, a Wendy’s will be opening in the Champaign-Urbana area. Maybe even on campus, but I’m not too sure on its exact location. I’m not too sure of the exact day that it is opening either; however, I am sure of one thing. We will be celebrating this glorious opening with a team visit and at least one Wendy’s challenge.

A Wendy’s challenge is as follows: the original ten items from the 99 cent menu, fastest to finish wins. The original items include: the baked potato, Caesar salad, house salad, chili, 5pc nuggets, jr. bacon cheese burger, small pop, small frosty, small fries, regular cheeseburger (Zubair, you’re the expert on all things fast food. Is this list correct?) A few other rules to keep in mind: you must eat the Caesar dressing, but you may discard the dressing for the house salad; if you throw up before finishing the challenge, you must eat your vomit in order to finish the challenge.

By my memory, Curt holds the record for the illini at 11 minutes. Not only does his feat make him an eating champion, it also resulted in the shaming of Walden. Granted, it was Walden’s second challenge within the hour, and he also ate food from KFC, since the first challenge didn’t provide him with enough food. But seriously, if you’re gonna sit at the table, you’d better be able to finish. Anything less than that is just dishonorable. From what I’ve heard, Walden didn’t even finish.

Well Walden, It seems you will soon have the opportunity to regain your honor, if you so choose. He who wins the challenge and beats the team record will have his meal paid for, unless the team vehemently objects to this use of $10 of team funds. Another goal to keep in mind: the fastest time I’ve heard of in ultimate culture was 9 minutes and 32 seconds. Not sure who holds that record though. I want to say that it is a former Oklahoma player, but I seriously have no idea.