Special Delivery: Jko Presents... the Illinois Ultimate Team 2008 All-Hair Team and Hair-ahan Nominees

While the Callahan Award was established to recognize the "man... who combines[s] superior athleticism with outstanding sportsmanship, leadership, and dedication to the sport of ultimate", it is a mere consolation prize when compared with its more glorious cousin, the Hair-ahan (which was established to recognize great hair). The Hair-ahan is widely acknowledged to be the highest individual honor in all of college sports. College sports fans want to know "who's doing work (on their hair)?" so we're here to provide the coverage. We're like US Weekly, but for sports. I guess that makes us ESPN.

In addition, the blog would like to take this time to recognize the Illinois Mens Ultimate All Hair Team. Make sure you get your votes in!

Honorable Mentions

Walden - Just because he's been growing his hair out since the fall doesn't mean he automatically gets a place on the All-Hair Team. I've been growing out my facial hair for years now, and I have yet to receive my first All-Mustache Team nomination.

Denis - for dying his facial hair. Interesting choice, but we all know the Hair-ahan isn't for facial hair. You can, however, go make up (and win) your own award for facial hair. The only competitor in this space would probably be Jon O wit his sweet Fu-Man Chu.

Pat - Was actually reluctant to dye his hair. Go hard or go home, Pat. You can't half-ass your way into a Haira-han nomination.

Just Made The Cut

Zubair: goes from epic length and expertly styled facial hair to short, boring, and normal at regionals. Bad decision making almost kept him from making the All-Hair team, but a full regular season of super-awesome was enough to just put him over the line. P.S. Zooby's middle name is "Hussein". Really.

Cole: How does Cole make it onto the All-Hair team with his slightly balding, slighty greying mane? No one is sure, but the move from dignified pepper to insecure-old-guy-trying-to-fit-in-with-the-younguns blonde nets him a mention. A+ for effort.

Solid

Somerfield: Goes from ambiguously gay duo to the masculine, but unoriginal 'Hawk. There really isn't anything to say here. While this may have been shocking back in the 60's we can get soft-core porn on demand from the TV. A mohawk might be enough to make the All-Hair team, but it won't win you the big one.

Ripsky: Eye-black and a top-of-head sunburn give him the edge over Somerfield, but it's still just another 'hawk. [editor's note: Ripsky did break his leg for you all, and he barely even let it bother him as he continued to cheer from the sidelines. He didn't even take any pain killers from the doctors at the hospital as they yanked on his leg to put the bone back in place. That's badass. Hairahan winners have the attitude to match their hairstyle. Badass haircut, badass mother fucker]

Joel: Full head of color. A ballsy move by one of the underdogs, but it's hard to tell if it will be enough to put him in front of the pack and net him a Hair-ahan. At least he's still got a chance at that Callahan thing. Prediction: expect to see Joel crying his eyes out when one of those other guys wins it all. Five years? For what? Yeah, I'd be crying too.

Front Runners

Kyle: Just look at it. Everyone's favorite South Park character has got it all: length, color, and texture. No wonder he's a contender.

Brad: Already a pre-season Hair-ahan fave with his expertly gelled hair and his "artful" MySpace/emo profile pictures, "Skunk" Johnson took it to the next level with the look of an asymetric faux-hawk. Color, gel (applied on game day!) and the faux-hawk look without actually being a faux-hawk (so it's a faux-faux-hawk) mean this young star's stock is definitely rated OUTPERFORM. Could he take the prize this year? (Coaching point to the Coach for coming up with Skunk. Would be awesome if this name stuck.)

Phenom: The least you can say is that this is the most original haircut you've seen all year. But it may also be the most unfortunate. When asked about his "inspiration," Phenom explained thusly: "It's a wake, like the wake of a boat." OOOOOOOkkkkkkkayyyyyyyy, Phelan. While the fashion police may advise that you "don't put yourself ahead of the team," we all know that there is no "team" in WIN, there's an "I". A+ for ballsy-ness and individuality. Phenom's strong move could put him on top come Team Picnic Sunday.