Special Delivery: Jko Presents... the Illinois Ultimate Team 2008 All-Hair Team and Hair-ahan Nominees

While the Callahan Award was established to recognize the "man... who combines[s] superior athleticism with outstanding sportsmanship, leadership, and dedication to the sport of ultimate", it is a mere consolation prize when compared with its more glorious cousin, the Hair-ahan (which was established to recognize great hair). The Hair-ahan is widely acknowledged to be the highest individual honor in all of college sports. College sports fans want to know "who's doing work (on their hair)?" so we're here to provide the coverage. We're like US Weekly, but for sports. I guess that makes us ESPN.

In addition, the blog would like to take this time to recognize the Illinois Mens Ultimate All Hair Team. Make sure you get your votes in!

Honorable Mentions

Walden - Just because he's been growing his hair out since the fall doesn't mean he automatically gets a place on the All-Hair Team. I've been growing out my facial hair for years now, and I have yet to receive my first All-Mustache Team nomination.

Denis - for dying his facial hair. Interesting choice, but we all know the Hair-ahan isn't for facial hair. You can, however, go make up (and win) your own award for facial hair. The only competitor in this space would probably be Jon O wit his sweet Fu-Man Chu.

Pat - Was actually reluctant to dye his hair. Go hard or go home, Pat. You can't half-ass your way into a Haira-han nomination.

Just Made The Cut

Zubair: goes from epic length and expertly styled facial hair to short, boring, and normal at regionals. Bad decision making almost kept him from making the All-Hair team, but a full regular season of super-awesome was enough to just put him over the line. P.S. Zooby's middle name is "Hussein". Really.

Cole: How does Cole make it onto the All-Hair team with his slightly balding, slighty greying mane? No one is sure, but the move from dignified pepper to insecure-old-guy-trying-to-fit-in-with-the-younguns blonde nets him a mention. A+ for effort.

Solid

Somerfield: Goes from ambiguously gay duo to the masculine, but unoriginal 'Hawk. There really isn't anything to say here. While this may have been shocking back in the 60's we can get soft-core porn on demand from the TV. A mohawk might be enough to make the All-Hair team, but it won't win you the big one.

Ripsky: Eye-black and a top-of-head sunburn give him the edge over Somerfield, but it's still just another 'hawk. [editor's note: Ripsky did break his leg for you all, and he barely even let it bother him as he continued to cheer from the sidelines. He didn't even take any pain killers from the doctors at the hospital as they yanked on his leg to put the bone back in place. That's badass. Hairahan winners have the attitude to match their hairstyle. Badass haircut, badass mother fucker]

Joel: Full head of color. A ballsy move by one of the underdogs, but it's hard to tell if it will be enough to put him in front of the pack and net him a Hair-ahan. At least he's still got a chance at that Callahan thing. Prediction: expect to see Joel crying his eyes out when one of those other guys wins it all. Five years? For what? Yeah, I'd be crying too.

Front Runners

Kyle: Just look at it. Everyone's favorite South Park character has got it all: length, color, and texture. No wonder he's a contender.

Brad: Already a pre-season Hair-ahan fave with his expertly gelled hair and his "artful" MySpace/emo profile pictures, "Skunk" Johnson took it to the next level with the look of an asymetric faux-hawk. Color, gel (applied on game day!) and the faux-hawk look without actually being a faux-hawk (so it's a faux-faux-hawk) mean this young star's stock is definitely rated OUTPERFORM. Could he take the prize this year? (Coaching point to the Coach for coming up with Skunk. Would be awesome if this name stuck.)

Phenom: The least you can say is that this is the most original haircut you've seen all year. But it may also be the most unfortunate. When asked about his "inspiration," Phenom explained thusly: "It's a wake, like the wake of a boat." OOOOOOOkkkkkkkayyyyyyyy, Phelan. While the fashion police may advise that you "don't put yourself ahead of the team," we all know that there is no "team" in WIN, there's an "I". A+ for ballsy-ness and individuality. Phenom's strong move could put him on top come Team Picnic Sunday.

Special Delivery: Captain Pat's Recap Against Ohio State

“C’mon Illinois! Get Intense!...Because this time it counts!” I couldn’t tell whether I was listening to a promo for the All-Star game or the wise words of wisdom from one Charlie O’Brien. Superman was feeling it during the pre-game warmup.

It had been something that was talked about all year long. The team had been disappointed with some of our early season results, but was always comforted by the fact that only Regionals mattered. Only Regionals would determine our fate for the year.

We enjoyed a dream start during the backdoor final. The offense marched down the field to take a 1-0 lead, with Jman jumping out of the gym for the goal. The team was jacked. The defense then proceeded to take control of the game and set the tone over the next three points. After turns, Charlie made some great offensive plays. One of the Illini scores came on an up-line cut by Jake and immediate huck to Charlie. Superman elevated and ripped it out of the sky. We were up 4-0 before Leadbelly knew what happened. Ohio St. would manage to stop the bleeding and cut the lead to 4-1. The offense scored efficiently throughout the rest of the half and claimed an 8-3 halftime lead.

This was the exact opposite situation that we found ourselves in last year against Leadbelly. Knowing it was an elimination game, we could not let up. I reminded the team of the run we put on them last year at Regionals to attempt a comeback. We would have to withstand their surge out of halftime.

The second half proved to be a grueling test. Ohio St. flashed a 4-man cup on the O-line. We were able to work it through the zone with crashes from the handlers and quick movement through the cup. Later in the half, the O-line was challenged as there were several points with multiple turns. However, the game was secured with the O-line’s ability to continually get the D back. There were several huge plays. Three stuck out in my mind. The first was a layout poach D by Joel. Typical Joel D, not paying attention to his man, but rather focused on making the thrower regret living. The second came on an especially long point. We had just turned the disc and I was thinking to myself, ‘Damn, it’d be sweet if they just turned it over on the first throw.’ I was running with my man and then heard a thud. I looked back and the Leadbelly thrower looked to the sky in disgust. The disc lay a foot away from him. Marms had done his thing in the clutch. The last was a D by Dave that can only be characterized as silly. Every once in a while, Dave gets a D that strikes fear in my heart, even when I’m on his team. This was one of them. I had a front-row seat for Dave laying out past Ohio St’s captain throwing them both into a heap. He stuck the D and dust flew up around him. Silly.

The long points proved to be deadly for Ohio St. Our depth won out in the end as we were playing our regular rotation and Leadbelly was playing around 10 guys for most of the game. Receiving at 14-11, we marched it down down the field. Kyle caught an in-cut. Somebody else cut deep and my guy went with him. I was poached under and received the in-cut. I immediately turned and threw the break to Phenom. Joel streaked deep and gave his typical point, indicating for Phenom to put it. Joel withstood the contact and ripped it. Everyone rushed the field and an insane huddle followed.

Illinois is returning to The Show. Whether you call it Nationals, Nayshuns, or nahshuns, we are headed to Boulder.

Regionals Recap

First of all, I would like to say thank you to the Best Western in Hartland, MI. Best hotel I’ve ever stayed at for a tourney. The staff was very accommodating and the team had plenty of room (9 rooms in fact).

The day began cold and windy, but the Illini were prepared to heat things up. They started off against Kalamazoo, and once again, Stupca messed up and put the D-line out there to receive. The last minute switch must have caught our O-line off guard, because Kalamazoo broke us on the first point. The Illini got their head in the game and took care of business after that. Or should I say, the D-line took care of business.

We waited for Northwestern to make the trek to our field. We knew their threats: Teddy and Markese. The back hand force took care of Teddy and yours truly along with Lefty took out their biggest long threat. The Illini rolled to an easy victory, but they knew the wheels needed to be tightened for the semis.

Notre Dame and its Royal Irish Catholic fan base met us in our last game of the day. The defense played out of its mind in this game. It took til the second half before we were able to string a couple of breaks in a row, but the game was well in hand by then. The Illini did get a little complacent towards the end, but the O-line buckled down and closed out the game 15-11.

Championship Sunday

Michigan is a tough team, but the O-line flowed smoothly and the D-line caused turns. Unfortunately, the D-line couldn’t capitalize and our Offense got broken first. The Illini never hit the brakes, evidenced by Joel’s sick D’s including a layout in the back of the opponent’s endzone that no one saw coming. But we never stepped on the gas either. Our goal was nationals, not necessarily championship. Michigan took the game, and we geared up for some revenge.

I’ve never beaten Ohio State, and with nationals on the line, it seemed like a golden opportunity to break that streak. Unfortunately, I broke my leg instead. On the third point, Lefty launched a huck that Lamp and I chased down. Lamp laid out before I did and landed on the back of my leg as I was about to jump. I heard the snap and stayed down. The pain was intense for the first two minutes, and I let out a few screams. Then my foot went numb, and my teammates got me off the field. I knew from the sound that I wouldn’t be back on the field for the rest of the game. But the fact that my foot was dangling and crooked as I hopped off the field told me I needed to get to the hospital soon.

I don’t have the details from the game, but I hear the d-line rolled ‘em. Good work guys, hopefully I’ll make it to nationals to cheer you on.

My Leg

Callahan Award

According to the rules, we can only nominate one player from our team. Boomland, you can make a separate nomination from your team if you like.

I put up a poll asking you to vote for whom you'd like us to nominate. Joel and Pat were my picks from a few posts ago; Denis nominated Pavan, and I put Dave on the list in order to represent the D-line.

I need to know fairly soon since the deadline for the application is April 30th.

Regionals Preview

Weather forecast for Saturday calls for morning rain with a high of 58 and wind up to 20mph.

Regionals uses a straight 16 team bracket with a backdoor bracket for second place. If you do things right, you only play four games in two days.

My predictions: Michigan, Ohio State, and the Illini will definitely make it to the final four on Saturday. Notre Dame and North Park will meet before that, and I think Notre Dame will win this time with the weather reeking havoc on North Park’s “huck it to the tall guy” strategy. But North Park is good, and I can’t completely count them out. Michigan should have little trouble with Ohio State, and the Illini will advance no matter who they play. Both will go to nationals no matter the outcome of the finals.

For the finals, I’m obviously quite biased (if you haven’t figured that out already). If the Illini bring the game they brought to Vegas, Michigan will play twice on Sunday. We cannot underestimate Magnum. They had a strong showing at Centex, and we’re playing on their home turf. The winner will be decided by whoever handles adversity better. Both sides will get runs. Both sides will get lucky. Both sides will get unlucky. If we let the adversity beat us down, then we’ll lose. Remember, we came back from 4 breaks to win the championship last weekend. Keep the breaks to a minimum and trust that the defense will get those breaks back.

We’re a good team. Trust in your ability and play your freakin heart out. I’ll see you on the field. I’m the guy with the Mohawk that just got the lay out D.

Special Delivery: Fueling the Fire

“Bring that intensity guys.” “We gotta come out intense…” Where’s the intensity?” “Get down on that pull. Show some desire. Show some intensity.”

Our team throws around the word “intensity” a lot, but what does intensity mean? Watch the sectionals championship starting when we’re down 13-9. In particular, watch Pat. In the last 11 points, he clearly plays at a level above everyone else on the field. That’s intensity in raw form.

Now, how do we get the entire team to play like that? Do you remember pool play in Vegas? Do you remember playing Texas in New Orleans? Do you remember playing Stanford in Austin? Do you remember every time we’ve played Florida?

Here’s what I remember.

No one gave us a chance in any of those games. The league wouldn’t give us any respect, so we had to take it. The vengeance factor also fueled our desire. We owed Oregon. We owed Colorado. Mixing these factors together, we came into each game pissed off, demanding respect and doling out revenge.

Playing off pure anger never yields positive results. This raw emotion leads to wild play and stupid mistakes due to lack of fundamentals. So, clearly we had something else going into these games. This something kept us focused.

Determination: obsessing over a particular goal, never letting one’s focus deviate from the desired end result, playing ultimate at a level that makes it look like the other team doesn’t exist.

You’ve got to want it. A big reason why good teams lose games is because they expect the victory to come to them. We’ve got to go get the victory, boys. The way we’re playing right now will not move us past regionals. Michigan wants it. Ohio State wants it. North Park wants it. Are we gonna take it from them?

You’ve got three days.

Sectionals Recap

The Illini began slowly on Saturday, giving up a lot of points to low seeded teams. It seemed that the Illini had some difficulty defending against the “desperation huck”. Luckily, no team at Regionals sees “luck hucking” as a viable strategy.

After two wins and a bye, the match-up of the day took place as the A-Team (insert theme music here) squared off against Boomland (boom, boom, boom…let me hear you say wayo, WAYO!). Boomland came into the game off two hot wins, upsetting UIC and owning Valpo. The A-Team knew it needed to put on its soul crusher boots or they’d be in for a tough game.

“Boring old Brian” led the cheer for Boomland as they roll called their starting line. I’m not too sure how the sound of a tortured ostrich pumped up the B-teamers, but they did score first. After the sympathy score, a montage of A-team domination ensued with Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger playing in the background. Memorable moments included Boomland Pat getting skied by yours truly and again by the real Pat, Keenan laying out for nearly everything and not getting a D, and Jon O running Beta X for a score.

After our best game of the day, we faced the second seed in our pool, but UIC had given up their regional hopes after the loss to Boomland. They even started shaking our hands before we had 13 points.

The sun rose on Sunday, bringing light and a semi-final math-up against Wheaton College. The D-line sexed, drugged, and rocked and rolled the Christian School all the way to the second place bracket. We had the look of a championship team.

After a three hour break, the championship game began. Many were surprised that North Park and not Notre Dame challenged us, but the Lost Boys were good enough to beat Notre Dame’s hype. North Park came out with nothing to lose, and they brought a rather large crowd to give them a mental edge. Going up three breaks to take half and another break around point 12, it seemed that North Park had the game well in hand, but the Illini wouldn’t let the fat lady sing. Led by Joel, Pat, Dave, and Jman, the Illini staged a comeback that is rarely seen outside of Hollywood. Pat played like he was possessed. I’ve never seen the old man get down on the pull that fast. He shut down their main thrower with the skill that bespoke of his D-line days as a freshman. Joel showed us why he deserved the Callahan with a no-look skying of the Lost Boys’ top long. Dave stopped at least two hucks with hand blocks and got poach D after poach D to bring the score back to 16-16. Going into double game point, the O-line stood ready to receive. Tension mounted as the sidelines rallied behind their teams. The Illini received the pull and marched it two-thirds down the field before Phenom threw a huck to Jman. The disc hung and everyone held their breath as Jman and his defender went up for the disc. The disc got tipped past both of them and wobbled towards the ground. Time seemed to slow down as Jman refused to give up. The fastest man in ultimate hit the ground running and laid out for the disc. The Illini rush the field as he held up the white plastic in triumph.

Boys, we got less than a week til Regionals. Whose gonna step up this time?

Sectionals Postponed

Looks like we get an extra week. I'm a little disappointed, but I do believe it was the right call. Plus, this gives us an extra week for our injured teammates to heal and stage a comeback.

On the downside, this means we'll have to play two tournaments in a row. Maybe you all should have shown up to the track workout last week.

Practice smart this week. We're gonna need everybody at 100% for two weekends in a row.

Sectionals Preview

The short version: we have a job to do. It won’t be easy, but it won’t be hard. If we take care of business, we’ll emerge on top.

The long version:

Being the top seed has its advantages. Our pool contains one less team, so we get a mid-day buy. Also, no other team in our pool comes close to our level of play. Our toughest competitor at this tournament will be hubris. If we look past one game this weekend, we could find ourselves in an unfavorable position when we travel to Detroit.

The weather will be sour to say the least. Some of the close throws and plays that we make in the sun won’t be there this weekend. Let other teams try to force tight situations. If we stay cool, calm, and professional, the points will come to us.

We start off against Purdue. I don’t know much about these boys, which means there probably isn’t anything worth knowing.

We meet Valparaiso in round two. Second and third string guys, get ready to gain some experience in the wind and cold.

During the mid-day bye, we get a chance to size up our next competitor: Boomland. Boys, our honor is at stake. We cannot let them get inside our heads. They will come out on fire. I have a feeling this game means more to them than any other game this weekend. Run through all your in cuts. It’s just poor form if Keenan gets a lay out D. Also, beware their guile. If they get down, they may resort to the “puppy dog eyes” strategy. Don’t look into their eyes. No heart is hard enough to resist their cute little faces (especially Chrysler), so don’t even try. Forget the fact that they are our friends and hold this bag of puppies underwater until the bubbles stop coming out of the bag..

We end the day with UIC. This should be the toughest game on Saturday.

My predictions for Sunday: the top of the pools will go to seed except for pool D. I’m gonna put my money on Wheaton to pull that one out. Either way, our first two games on Sunday should go like clock work. Don’t get cocky, and they won’t get chances to score.

Our last game of the day will be our biggest challenge. I’m pretty sure Notre Dame will be gunnin for us all weekend. They see themselves as the underdogs who have a chance to unseat mighty Illinois. They also have the boost of a lot of favorable internet chatter. “Watch out for Notre Dame” seems to be the theme. I say, “Watch out Notre Dame” nobody has ever won a tournament with just hype.

The Dark Horse: North Park. Sure, they are a top seed in their pool, but no one has really seen them play. They haven’t been to a lot of big tournaments, so I don’t know what to expect. I do remember them from glory days. They were tall with two good throwers and at least one receiver that knew what he was doing. My squad didn’t have an answer for them, but I know our championship team did. If we face them again, expect Pavan and Chuck to get a lot of work.

Track Workouts

During the indoor season, I look forward to one thing: crossfits. I love stepping up to the challenge of an intense, balanced workout. So, when we move back outside, you might think that track workouts warm my heart. I hate track workouts. During a crossfit, I often have the strength advantage which allows me to make up the time I lose during the running portion. Track consists of all running. Thumbs down.

Certain individuals on the team would completely disagree with me, and you guys are freaks (I’m looking at you Downers Grove and Kurley). From watching these “studs of the rubber floor,” I have deduced the secret to “tearin up the track”. You do not need an extensive background in cross country (correlation doesn’t prove causation), nor do you need an insane fetish for burning lungs and sore muscles. If you want to run 27 second 200s consistently, you need two things: short shorts and a headband.

Most people believe that short shorts allow greater range of motion; therefore, they allow you to cover more distance with fewer strides. Wrong! These titans of the fashion industry infuse their wearers with a sense of fiery passion that can only find release in sprinting as fast as they can for as long as they can. For example, we all know Brian McLain as “Boring old Brian”. But when he steps into his short shorts, he becomes Brian the Bodacious, “terror on the track”. Get yourself a pair of short shorts and see your popularity rise and sprint times fall.

Headbands come from a different era. They give us a window into the past when mustaches, chest hair, and treating women as objects were benchmarks against which one’s manhood was measured. Headbands allow their wearers to time travel. Putting on a headband gives you a rush that can only come from backhanding your wife. Such prowess directly fuels faster running. How can you lose when you are more of a man than your competitor could ever hope to be?

So, if you’re one of the many that fear track workouts because you lack the fire or feel like less than a man, buy yourself a headband and start showing off those pale, hairy thighs.

Heading into the Fire

The beginning of the college series marks a time of hope. Every team gets a fresh chance to take on the nation and show their “true” skill. No excuses allowed. This is the time to bring you’re A-game. Go big, or go home.

We cannot look past sectionals, but at the same time, we’ve got prepare ourselves for a month long series. So, how does one strike the right balance?

First, realize that we’ve been working all year long, and any major improvements should be evident by now. The next month should be used to perfect the skills that you have. Do not play outside your skill set in the hopes of making mistakes from which you can learn. That type of play has its place in the summer and fall. We cannot afford mistakes in the series. Work on the skill set you have and practice it until you can’t get it wrong.

Second, use this weekend to focus on Sectionals. True, we’re way out of our competitors’ league, but we aren’t infallible. We’ve lost to enough teams that we should have beaten to know that surprises aren’t fun. If any of these teams get to half-time, that’s a disappointment.

Third, stay healthy. Practice is practice. Going 110% on every drill and scrimmage point will only result in injuries and fatigue. Choke it down a few notches and save it for Boomland in pool play.

Now, you may read this and go, “It sounds like rip has gone soft. He’s advocating stagnation. He doesn’t want us to push ourselves to get better for fear of making mistakes or getting hurt.” You’re wrong. I’m saying do work on what you do best.

The team counts on each person for a certain skill set. For example, I’m counted on to play defense on their “squirrelly” cutter. My focus for the month is perfecting my positioning so that I can shut him down and still be able to help on cuts made by other players. I’m not going to experiment with big poaching, but I’m gonna work on recognizing those times when I can leave my guy. I also know that I won’t be throwing 60 yard hucks into the wind, but my 40 yard shots have the green light.

None of us are 1-dimensional players, but none of us have every throw or cut for every situation. Do what you do best, and we can enjoy the gorgeous view in Boulder come May